Who needs a holiday?

I like holidays. I like celebrations. Bring on Christmas, Thanksgiving and yes, even my birthday. Any excuse for a party.
So I came across a list of holidays for August.
When I was a reporter we used to constantly make jokes about the dog days of August where nothing newsworthy happened and the editors had us covering the most ridiculous and yet mundane nonsense so the pages of the newspaper could be filled. I remember one summer week tracking the exploits of a duck on Grenadier Pond. The duck had picked up a pop can’s ring tab and his beak was sealed. Would Ringo—yes, that’s what the papers named him—survive? Would park authorities capture him and remove the tab? Would the crowds coming to see Ringo be larger tomorrow? Film at 11! So I tramped down to the banks of the pond along with other ink-stained wretches plus the pretty boys of television and radio capturing every second of this human drama (except it was a duck) and racing back to file stories that would be front page the next day. A similar exploit happened earlier this summer when a peacock escaped the zoo and there were breathless minute-by-minute reports on which homes and streets the peacock was visiting. That was in June. And it all ended peacefully when the peacock flew back voluntarily to his enclosure. Ringo the Duck was visible amongst the thousands of other identical ducks until one morning he wasn’t there. Did he die? Or did he escape the clutches of the evil ring tab? We’ll never know because if he did escape the tab….well one duck looks pretty much like the thousand others around him doesn’t he?
All of this to say let’s have some dog day news fun with these so-called holidays.
For example, August 1 in National Mustard Day so bring on the hot dogs. Nothing like starting a holiday month with a party, which ties in nicely with the next two holidays because parties are nothing without special people around. You see August 2 is both Friendship Day and International Forgiveness Day. Isn’t that nice? Desert must wait, however, because National Watermelon Day comes up August 3.
After all that hard partying we need August 6, Wiggle Your Toes Day
My favourite holidays in August are August 9, Book Lovers Day, which ties in nicely with the next day, August 10, which is both National Lazy Day. and National S’mores Day! Sounds good to me!
On August 16 we can celebrate a special holiday: Knock, Knock. Who’s there? National Tell a Joke Day which is followed by, groan, Bad Poetry Day on August 18.
I must say that I like August 25. That’s National Kiss and Make Up Day.
I am troubled, however, by August 5. According to the list, that’s National Work Like A Dog Day. And here all along I thought that was every work day.
Silly me!

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